Love Letters for Unorthodox Chess

Glowing Testimonials

Already the fan letters are pouring in faster than we can paste them onto this page! So if you write us and don't see your letter here within a few days, don't worry, we're working as fast as we can to process our huge volume of mail. But we're sure you'll understand that our first priority must be to fill in and ship out all the book orders that continue to flood our server. So if you want to get your own copy of Unorthodox Chess you'd better hurry up and hit the nearest Paypal^® button and reserve your copy today! If you wait too long I might decide to retire with my royalties to my private island, and you will then be reduced to peering over the shoulders of the more fortunate readers to glean a few crumbs of secondhad wisdom to save you from a lifetime of losing chess, and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you? Neither would I.

	Glowing Testimonials Already the fan letters are pouring in faster than we can paste them onto this page! So if you write us and don't see your letter here within a few days, don't worry, we're working as fast as we can to process our huge volume of mail. But we're sure you'll understand that our first priority must be to fill in and ship out all the book orders that continue to flood our server. So if you want to get your own copy of Unorthodox Chess you'd better hurry up and hit the nearest Paypal^® button and reserve your copy today! If you wait too long I might decide to retire with my royalties to my private island, and you will then be reduced to peering over the shoulders of the more fortunate readers to glean a few crumbs of secondhad wisdom to save you from a lifetime of losing chess, and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you? Neither would I.
	Dear Master, Your splendid spiel truly captures the spirit of the book and its author! Nice looking page, too. Regards, Brian Thank you sir! I shall put your kind words on the very top of the letters page, as the first trickle of what shall soon become a flood of rave reviews for my selfless effort. Now buy the book.
	(NOTE: The following order was sent to our minimalist blogspot page which, as will become momentarily clear, contains no reviews or testimonials. Unlike this site.) Thu, 1 Sep 2005 Hi, Ive just hit the BUY NOW and bought your book, on faith I guess. Theres no reviews, no testimonies and nothing else to go on. I hope my faith isnt misplaced !!!! :-) Chris Dear Chris: Your faith is not only well-placed, it is an inspiration to all other visitors. And for those who lack the same confidence, we have put up this site with plenty of samples to enjoy while waiting for the book to arrive. And anyone out there who might still doubt the integrity of us or Paypal^® may visit our book page at Trafford Publishing. So order the book through Trafford or this site! Or both. It's all the same to me.
	YOU'R WEBSITE SUCKS, YOU'RE BOOK SUCKS AND YOU SUCK YOU COCKSUCKER!!! YOU CAN SHUT UP AND SUCK MY COCK!!!! Yet more proof of the chess orthodoxy's fear of the radical ideas in my book is this latest salvo of inarticulate rage. I refuse to be browbeaten! You shall not stop me! And if you refuse to buy my book, then you have only yourself to blame. Cocksucker.
	Dear Master: What a delightful book you have written. I know you put a lot of hard work work into it and you should be so proud. I've placed it on my coffee table where all my friends can see it, and I will tell everyone I meet to please buy it. I am so happy for you! Love, Gertrude Thanks, mom.
	Hey loser! If your such a shite-hot chess master then how come your called 'some loser"? Ha! You have no idea how long I've waited for someone to ask me that question. The reasons are complex, subtle, and profound, but I shall attempt to condense them into a few points that should be comprehensible to all. In brief, my reasons are: As soon as the chess orthodoxy got wind of my book, they would react to its radical ideas with an unrelenting barrage of smear campaigns and character assassinations. I therefore took the unprecedented step of using a pseudonym to protect myself, my home, and my loved ones from these anticipated personal attacks. To further guard myself, and ensure the successful spread of my book's ideas, I chose a humble and self-ironic nom de plume in order to duck under the radar of the chess orthodoxy. I presumed (correctly, as it turned out) that the chess establishment would take one look at the pseudonym and laugh it off as something beneath its collective notice. Meanwhile, other inquisitive and far-sighted readers (such as yourself) would be intrigued enough by this self-effacing pen-name and actually look within the pages of the book and realize its true merit. Then they would buy the book, read the book, and ensure that copies would proliferate around the world. And by the time the hidebound chess establishment discovered what was happening, it would be too late to suppress it. Aren't I brilliant? Now buy the book.
	Sir! I have read your book from cover to cover, and I can only say that it has changed my life! I used to think that I knew a few things about chess, but your magnificent tome has been truly a revelation! Already it has changed my entire game-playing approach and yielded results beyond my wildest fantasies! I now stride into the game room with your book tucked under my arm, and thrill to seeing my opponents blanch--a sweet victory sweetened even further by my inevitable win! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Yours sincerely, Gary Kasparov You're welcome. Glad to help.
	Hey, Master! Your book rocks! It rolls! It's the greatest! I now clobber my opponents with a laughable ease! Ah, the lovely taste of victory, and I owe it all to you! Thank you for changing my life and getting me back into chess and out of that stupid religion! Your cheering fan, Bobby Fisher Thank you. It's a pleasure.
	Gracias amigo! Sir, I humbly surrender my chess crown to the one true master. Your book has truly been manna to this impoverished soul. I have scorned all my other chess books, including the ones I have written, and now devote my every hour to pondering the wisdom contained in each of your beautifully-crafted paragraphs. Every game is an insight into the mind of genius, every move a pure delight. Why, just now I am marveling at the subtle audacity of replying to 39.Kg2 Be7 with 40.Qh1 with a mate in 12 moves. Absolutely brilliant! My only regret is that I could not buy up every copy of your book to prevent it from falling into the hands of my opponents. But alas I realize that is not to be. Once again I convey to you my most heartfelt gratitude. Your humble student, José Raúl Capablanca Hey, no problem.
	YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU THINK ANYONE WILL FALL FOR THOSE STUPID LETTERS FROM CHESS MASTER'S!!! YOU MADE THOSE UP YOU ASSHOLE!! YEAH RIGHT, LIKE BOBBY FISHER IS A BIG FAN OF YOUR'S HIS TURDS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU!!!! WHAT'S MORE ASSHOLE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT GARRY KASPAROV DOESNT WRITE THAT WAY YOU MADE THAT UP TOO!!!! AND ARE YOU SUCH A RETARD YOU THINK ANYONE WILL BELIEVE YOU GOT AN EMAIL FFROM JOSE CAPABLANCA I GOT NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY JOSE CAPBLANCA IS DEAD* THATS RIGHT, YOUR SO LAME YOU DONT KNOW CAPABLANCA IS DEAD. NEXT TIME CHECK THE INTERNET BEFORE YOU MAKE UP MORE PHONY LETTERS YOU ASSHOLE. YOU SUCKK!!! My book's strategy is unbeatable, its arguments irrefutable, and the hidebound chess establishment is unable to gainsay a single claim within its pages. In the face of my unassailable logic, they are reduced to pointless nit-picking in a pathetic attempt to divert attention from the real issues. As evidence, I invite you to cast your eyes over the above screed and see if there is a single mention of my book.
	Dear PayPal Member! Attention! Your PayPal account has been violated! Someone with ip address 149.225.126.87 tried to access your personal account! Please click the link below and enter your account information to confirm that you are not currently away. You have 3 days to confirm account information or your account will be locked. Click here to activate your account You can also confirm your email address by logging into your PayPal account at http://paypal.com/. Click on the "Confirm email" link in the Activate Account box and then enter this confirmation number: 1036-8535-4511-9500-3892 Thank you for using PayPal! The PayPal Team Nice try, phish.
	Dear Anonymous Author: I was recently given a copy of your book to review for our local chess journal, and I must say, I've never seen anything like it. It's I have deleted the rest of this long-winded and tedious mess of technical minutiae to save you, dear reader, from fainting out of mental exhaustion. Although I could easily rebut every one of this person's childish points and have fun doing it, I believe that such debate is beneath me and would only distract the readers from more positive and uplifting pursuits--such as playing chess for blood. Let us now move on to more important matters.
	Dear Sir, I am Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha, wife to the late Nigerian Head of state, General Sani Abacha who died on the 8th of June 1998 while still on active service for our Country. I am contacting you with the hope that you will be of great assistance to me, I currently have within my reach the sum of 32million U.S dollars cash which I intend to use for investment purposes. This money came as a result of a payback contract deal between my husband and a Russian firm in our country's multi-billion dollar Ajaokuta steel plant. The Russian partners returned my husbands share being the above sum after his death. Presently, the new civilian Government has intensified their probe into my husbands financial resources which has led to the freezing of all our accounts, local and foreign, the revoking of all our business licenses and the arrest of my First son. In view of this I acted very fast to withdraw this money from one of our finance houses before it was closed down. I have deposited the money in a security company in Europe (with a coded name) with the help of very loyal officials of my late husband. No record is known about this fund by the government because there is no documentation showing that we received such funds. Due to the current situation in the country and government attitude to my family, I cannot make use of this money, thus I seek your help in receiving these funds and pay into your account for the family safety. On your consent, or e-mail via the under listed contacts immediately for further discussion and clarification. Bearing in mind that you may assist me, I have decided to part with 15% of the total sum. Your URGENT response is needed. Regards Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha. Gosh, it's nice of you to offer to cut me in on a deal like this, but I'm still spending the money I got from helping ex-General Yusuf M. Nguessoh move $47.7 million out of the Congo.
	Dear Mr. _______, Thank you very much for the book, Unorthodox Chess. I appreciate your kind gesture of good will. Please accept my best wishes for every future success and happiness. With warm regards, Arnold Schwarzenegger (You can see the whole letter in a new window right here.)
	Ah-h-h-h-h Yeah, okay. Either this is a fucking joke or you're out of your fucking mind. I clicked on a link that took me to this stupid place. $99.00 for a bunch of index cards spiraled together huh? I take it, this IS a joke. Scratching me 'ed, MDN I never joke. I never laugh. I do not know the meaning of humor. Chess is not funny. It is deathly dull concentration with your entire self-image being risked on the position of a pawn. And the only thing duller and sadder than chess is writing about it. Do you think I'm having fun? Do you think you can make me happy by buying my book? I am telling future opponents everything I know! And when everyone else becomes as good as me, I will have to give up the only game I love and instead find solace in strip poker.
	This is one of the funniest fucking things I've seen in months. Your reviews and fan mail had me peeing in my pants. GREAT JOB! Angelo I apologize for being the cause of your discomfiture, but I am trying to be serious. I wish visitors could also be serious and buy my book. The price is low, only a couple weeks worth of food.
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