Thank God I found this place before I went to hell!

- Richard Dawkins

Too late for me.

- Madalyn Murray O'Hair

Some day I'm going to be just like my old man.

- Jesus C.

The theology contained within these pages does not conform to the wisdom revealed to us. God is going to hurt you real bad.

- P. Benedict XVI

Dang it, how many times do I have to donate $100 before you send me to heaven?!

- George W. B.

Hey, when are you going to show a little faith in me? I've been around almost as long, and I do a much more convincing job in the delusion department, if I say so myself.

- The Prince of Darkness

Boo!

- Holy Ghost

This is the most elegant proof I've ever seen. Before I saw it, those damned atheists were making even Me doubt My existence.

- The Lord God Yahweh

Hey Yahweh, you're the fake. I'm the One True God and I've got the rock to prove it!

- Allah the Merciful

I've been around a lot longer than you two clowns, and I've got more idols than you. So put that in your bong and smoke it!

- Smilin' Buddha

You're all late to the party. We're putting on a comeback that's gonna make Olympus rock like you won't believe. Watch out for belching volcanoes!

- Jupiter, Venus, Neptune, Apollo, Mercury, Vulcan, and the rest of the gang

Yo lamerz i hakt yr site & put back yr stoopid chess book at http://www.unorthodoxchess.com/index.html

- ~The Dark Nite Rulez~

Hey ashole yr fuckin script messed wit my sig. Itz suppos 2 say ~The Dark Nite Rulez~

- ~The Dark Nite Rulez~

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen.

- Bozo the World's Most Famous Clown

Gosh, makes you think, though, doesn't it? I mean, to think; reality as we perceive it never lasted for longer than it takes to photograph, before becoming history! So by the time we see ANYTHING with the naked eyebulb it's already history, and only ever took a tiny second fraction to become so. So, existence in this universe indeed possesses the same quality as a continually unfolding motion picture, and imagining there could be any such thing as actual LIFE under such conditions, on this world or any other in the known universe, has got to be just about the DUMBEST mistake anyone could possibly make!! You know, that's not the sort of thing you normally tend to think about, unless somebody makes you. At any rate, I'll be satisfied if it manages to put a dent in the thick skull of Science.

- Some Nincompoop

Ha ha! I told you I never existed, but you still bought my cakes!

- Betty Crocker

On a tugboat down by the water there's a cement bag just droopin' on down. Five will get you ten ol' Mackie's back in town.

- Mack the Knife Born Again

Hey Betty, my existence is even less plausible but I still make pastries that are lighter and flakier than your cholesterol-larded sugar bombs.

- The Pillsbury Doughboy Pagan

My GOD, how could anyone have been STOOPID enough to ever take an interest in "LIFE", when the truth was all too painfully obvious all along that it was actually DEATH? Why, our very EYEBULBS become history as fast as they watch it unfold; our very BRAINS are being assimilated BY history as fast as they undauntedly dare ponder it!!? Well, NOT ME, brother! That does it, I'm fed up. I'm not about to SIT HERE and be played for some kind of STOOPID DUMB GULLIBLE HALF-WITTED BONEHEADED NUMBSKULLED GOOFY LOSER CHUMP SUCKER SAP by the PRACTICAL JOKING HOAXSTER behind this whole sorry sordid history business ONE SECOND LONGER!! Just for that, I Am NOT going to give it any further thought or credibility, or take any further interest in it, and I REFUSE to pay ANY further attention to it WHATSOEVER. (And THEY can't make me!) Instead, I'm just going to crawl DEEP into the BOWELS of the EARTH, and leave my fossil deposit. (Someplace it will NEVER be found!)

- A Born Again Nihilist Infidel

Yeah, alright; so there's a God already. I say It's high time we beard Him in His lair, take Him to task, and make Him give an account of Himself!

- A disgruntled customer Heretic

"Insufferable hilarity".

- Some Tedious Windy Blowhard Nazi

Pillsbury, your simulacrum can't hold a birthday candle to my comely face. You were always a cheezy claymation that would only fool kids who still believe in Gumby and Pokey. Now you've degenerated to half-assed CGI that's an embarrassment to thinking people. So don't tell me about who's the better fake, cause I can out-fake and out-bake you any day you dare to name. And your cinnamon rolls suck.

- Betty Crocker Methodist

Why you half-baked bitch, my full-flavored oven-fresh cinnamon rolls would hurl if they got within sniffing distance of your greasy tuna trench. I'm a cuter simulation 'cause I got no parts, which is why everyone loves the wholesome goodness of real cinnamon baked into each one of my delicious hot cross buns. So pick some up at your grocery store today, and let the dead eat cake.

- Pillsbury Doughboy Pagan

I'm the best phoney of all coz everyone thinks I'm real! I used fake legs to do my bench levitation trick and posted the secret on YouTube, which you can find by searching for "criss angel sucks". And people STILL think I got psychic powers, but I don't mind coz they're paying for their stupidity and I can go through a lot of rock and hookers.

- Criss the Mindfake Atheist

Gentlemen! Lady! This thread is straying from the topic. This is a forum for praising God, countering infidels, and discussing winning chess moves. Let us put aside our petty differences and learn to work together in furthering the cause which this selfless author has thus far so nobly advanced, and help bring the Light of Our Lord into the hearts of men (and women) the world over. Amen.

- Charles Christian

Charles, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

- Pillsbury, Betty, & Criss

I was so thrilled to have my faith in God restored that I was going to send you a quick $50. But your Paypal won't let me set the dollar amount. I have to give either 100 bucks or nothing. So I'm giving nothing to you greedy godsuckers and going back to burning bibles.

- Mark Agnostic

I'm willing to donate $99.99 and not a penny more.

- Scott Calvinist

Sir: Our Foundation rewards and encourages individuals or groups who make a significant contribution to spreading the Lord's Truth among the general populace. Accordingly, we decided to assist your mission with a preliminary grant of $150,000. Unfortunately, we discovered that your PayPal Donation Page will only accept donations in fixed amounts of $100. Since this would entail making 1,500 separate transactions on our part, we have regretfully withdrawn our grant and instead donated the money to the Church of Scientology. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

- Edgar T. Collingworth, Disbursement Secretary, John Rockefeller Gospel Foundation Evangelist

God is gay!

- Reg Heathen

Well its about time somebody finally arrived at the patently obvious conclusion! Now for the next patently obvious question, why is the world such a mess. (Sorry, my question marks are on the fritz.) Well, I daresay you would probably be a cranky God too if you were suffering from a case of eternal insomnia. To think, in His infinite wisdom God gives us poor souls the things He Himself can NEVER enjoy - e.g. the bliss of ignorance and stupidity, so necessary for enjoying the sweet mystery of life; plus (as an added lifetime-only bonus), the precious gift of unconsciousness through slumber; something for we lucky creatures alone to enjoy, and for our poor Creator to envy. So, how does it feel being the envy of the Almighty, if only because the poor guy is too busy being omniscient every instant of all eternity to ever catch a wink of sleep..(question mark.)

- A piously pitiful sleepy individual Holy Roller